Changes of the Heart
by BabyJane14
Summary: If anyone had told her that she'd be breaking every single one of her own rules she would have laughed in their face back then. Not even she could have thought the events to be as they'd turned out.
1. Unwanted Surprises

Manda's note: I don't really remember where this came from. All I do know is that it's somthing that I started at the beginning of the summer and for some reason am just now posting. there's a whole story to come from it so I hope it catches your eye. insted of my usual long note I'm just going to credit Roo because she puts up with me and she gave me the title of it. and the rest is history. so read, review! Enjoy!

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"Mommy?"

She can hear Rebecca Liron Puckerman question behind the door as she's got the key in the door handle and she's slowly pushing it open. The days been long and hard and the voice behind the door for some reason relieve her. The voice behind the door has always made her feel good and she doesn't really know how to explain it. Maybe it's the innocence to it all, maybe it's the reminder of her past. Whatever it is she actually smiles for the first time in hours. She pushes the door in and takes the gold headband out of her hair letting it fall into messy place.

"Sorry shrimp"

Santana apologizes once she has the television fully open. Li doesn't care though, the ten year old already has her arms wrapped around the waist of the girl she's grown up with. Bending down she picked up the little girl a little more than half her age and squeezes her and buries her head into Li's shoulder saving the moment. Li had been the fragile and sick one from day one, the reason Jane Puckerman gave up school to be a school teacher to settle into being a nurse. She's needed this all day as she clings to Li with her eyes closed wishing they were back an entire year. It's the only place she doesn't have to be a total bitch, the only place she can be herself and she'd been able to since the day she'd first stepped into the house when she was nine. She carries Li into Puck's bedroom after waving to the neighbor, Mrs. Sutherland, and telling her that she doesn't have to stay around. She knew that Jane had to have called her in a rush when she'd left the house.

"How'd you guys do Ana? Did you and Noah sing your solo good? Mommy said that Noah's baby's being born today too! Did you see it? Does she look like Noah?"

The kid's questions really weren't helping her as she turned her back to the child who was now jumping up and down on Puck's bed like she'd had too much sugar in her system. Jane probably hadn't gotten a chance to remind the older woman that too many sweets and Li didn't exactly mix. It wasn't like she could explain to Li that the baby that Quinn had had was something she despised. How do you explain to a eight year old that her brother was a good for nothing jackass at times? Yea, Santana Lopez was better off just biting her tongue and bullshitting an answer to appease her.

"Not so hot kid, don't think Noah and I'll have Glee club much longer. That means that we'll just have to come annoy you more than usual"

Reaching out she grabbed Li's legs making her fall down on Puck's bed and giggle before getting back up and jumping like the energizer bunny yet again. Santana walked forward to Puck's dresser and pulled a clean pair of pajama pants out and grabbed one of his tee shirts off the floor, one that would still have his scent trapped in it. On her way to walk back to the bed she finally figures her words out on what to say about the baby.

"I donno kid, babies all look the same don't they? I'm sure Noahhh will tell you all about her when he gets home. You can annoy him with questions then kay?"

Moving her hair out of the way she stands still and waits for Li to pull down her zipper so she can get rid of the gold and black dress that she never wants to see again. A day that she never again wants to be reminded of. The only thing Santana wants to do is slip into Puck's clothes, cuddle on couch with Li watching Camp Rock till they get home, then be Puck's shoulder till he falls asleep. Monday, being the last day of school will be a new day. She'll be able to slip into her Cheerios uniform with a classic Santana smirk and her head held high. It's all the things she believes she can count on anyway.

The things she'd learned through the years had been simple, 'if someone was offering something that would make you feel better – don't say no' 'if you love someone they'll probably walk out on you' and 'never trust 'celibate' blonde whores because they're probably fucking your boyfriend behind your back' they were all rules that Santana Lopez took to heart. Every single one of them seemed to hold a little bit of truth in them. That's how she'd gotten to the position she was sitting in after all. Had Quinn either kept her legs shut and her mind open to girl code that said 'never to sleep with your best friend's guy', or, had she at least had the common decency to get rid of her mistakes before it could actually be a regret things would have been so much better. Then she very well could have been enjoying the success of singing her first solo in front of hundreds of people. But no, the blonde bitch just had to take all her fun away. That was the way it had always been, Quinn getting everything while she sat back and watched. She'd been sick of the way Quinn did things from day one, hold your friends close but your enemies closer was something her mother had told her every day before she'd died. Who would have thought It'd of turned out so true?

"What's a matter Ana? Something wrong with your contact?"

The younger voice wafted to her ears breaking her from her spell. She was running on auto pilot now. Santana couldn't hardly remember changing or walking to the mirror on the inside of Puck's closet door. Li was standing there with her glasses in hand though, a typical routine from when she learned how to slip them in. From when Li had been very little they'd always teamed up together to pick on Puck. The name of the game had been Li and Ana take on the world. She couldn't really remember a time the younger kid hadn't tried so hard to get her mind off of whatever was going on. Weather it had been month year old Li who'd cried when anyone but eight year old Ana's arms had been the one to carry her the day of Santana's mother's funeral or ten year old Li who'd found her crying in the tree house the day Puck had told her Quinn's bastard was his. There'd always been a bond between the Latina and the hazel eyed kid. It made her muster up a weak smile as she shook her head and dropped her left contact in the solution before reaching for her glasses from Li's hand.

"We gonna watch Demi Lavato and the Jonas Brothers or what shrimp?"

Changing the topic was just easier. She couldn't even let Li know that there was a chance that her biggest fear in life could have been taking place. She could have been losing Puck without any way of winning him back. Santana had always held the fear, from the time she was four and Jodie Mills had picked him first to play with her. They were Puck and Santana or Santana and Puck, she hated anything and everything that got in the way. That was part of her restraint that kept her from being as close as she could have been to him. Who wanted to be close to anyone that could break you in a single word? That wasn't the way either one of them worked.

"I'll get you Noah's transformers quilt and meet you on the couch!"

Santana nodded her head as she slipped her hands under the frames of her glasses to cover her eye. Why was she such a fucking mess over a baby being born? Maybe it was because the bastard belonged to her boyfriend? ex boyfriend? Best friend? Friend? The kid belonged to **her** Puck.

Sometime around two in the morning Jane Puckerman had finally stopped texting her. She'd settled into a comfortable sleep, Li crashed by ten after hours of Camp Rock, High School Musical, and Good Luck Charlie. Her head comfortably on Santana's arm, she slept like a brick, so much different from her brother. Santana herself had fallen asleep knowing that Puck was in dream land with his head resting comfortably on his mother's shoulder. Jane had been sure to include that in her last text message. For some reason that's what had finally allowed her to lull herself straight into dream land comfortably. Knowing that he was with his mother rather than the blonde bitch who'd just pushed out his kid. Knowing that Puck wasn't with Quinn and for the evening hadn't decided that he wanted to spend his life with her had made her feel better. She'd slept fairly well, under the transformers quilt with the tee shirt that still smelled like him. It nearly gave her the façade that she was comfortably tucked into his arms.

Day light had broken and the sun was streaming into the windows as Santana's brown eyes started to blink open. She could already hear the television playing early Sunday morning cartoons on cartoon network. Santana could feel Li's slight weight on her legs as she adjusted and moved in her process of waking up. She'd actually felt pretty good regardless of the troublesome circumstances that presented themselves the day before. She remembers every moment clearly. Stretching her arms above her head she felt Li hop off of her and a few moments later the little girl was sliding her glasses onto her face for her. Soon as Santana was able to see through the haze of sleep she focused on Li she watched Li walk away from her into the adjoining dining room.

"How long have you been up shrimp?"

With a voice that's full of sleep she blinks her eyes a couple of times till Li re appears in the room, two bowls, spoons, and box of banana cheerios in her arms. Much as she loves getting up and throwing her uniform on or waking up to the smell of Puck's pancakes cooking on the stove top, she's pretty sure waking up to Li is just as good. There's something about the Puckerman's, always trying to feed to soon after your eyes open. The familiarity of everything makes her smile as she reaches out for a bowl and patiently waits for the cheerios.

"You know that Puck loves you? More than our daddy ever loved mommy. He told mommy that the day that Quinn moved in. Mommy called him a lot of names that night. Things that included calling him a bastard and a dumbass, she told him you should hate him. You don't hate him right Ana? That's why there's still a lot of annoying noise from his room some nights when you two have the door closed. Even though Mommy said you two shouldn't have the door closed."

Santana could feel her cheeks nearly flash a shade of scarlett as a smirk made its way to her face and she stretched her legs to stand up off of the couch. Even if that night's not something she really wants to remember, only the day before she was kicked out of his bed by the tubby blimp sized blonde, she's shocked to know that Jane had actually sworn at him. She'd walked in at the tail end of it. Then there's the second part of Li's statement. they weren't supposed to have the door closed anymore since Hanukah, she might have celebrated Christmas all of her life but she'd been around the Puckerman's to learn enough about the holiday to know that it was eight days of presents. Well, for the past three years Puck's eight days of presents had been eight days of sex. They'd only been caught on the fourth day of the year that had passed. The memory of sitting down with Jane to be lectured still played in her mind and tempted her to laugh.

"Rebecca Liron, that language is not for you to use. Even if you brother is and can be everything you just said, at times."

Leaving the comment about love alone along with the sounds that came from Puck's room at night, she walked to the kitchen to get the milk from the fridge. She'd just have to make a note to take their 'noises' outside or to the car. Walls were paper thin anyway. Just because she liked to watch him become antsy and guilty after getting yelled at didn't mean that she liked to be yelled at herself. Jane had been the only one (besides Sue Sylvester who didn't really count for much) to sit her down and tell her not to do something. Then again, Jane had also been the one to drag her to the clinic to get birth control when she was fourteen. She guessed that came along with Jane finding out her son got into a fight with the high school junior who'd stolen her virginity in a vial and painful way. Jane had just been protecting her when she's put her on the pill. Santana had known that from the first day she'd popped the first pill into her mouth.

She'd carried the milk back into the living room and put it on the coffee table before collapsing back on her butt beside Li and pouring herself a bowl of cereal. Li had just started a movie, probably from what she could guess was Toy Story, Puck and Santana's favorite, when the door knob started to jiggle. Santana had put the bowl down and was up on her knees to look over the back of the couch in a matter of seconds. She'd never been so anxious to wrap her arms around him before. She sounded like a walking chick flick which disgusted her. Jane was the first one in the house, her eyes heavy with sleep that Santana doubted had come. She gave them both a tired smile, just like the ones she threw out when she got home from work late.

"Santana, I'm begging you to keep in mind that he needs you ok?"

Jane's words made her feel as if the blood in her veins had suddenly stopped circulating. Jane's statement couldn't have meant a good omen. The bouncy and happy feeling she'd had earlier started to crash around her. The sensation only got worse when he walked into the house. The infant car seat hanging from his bicep worked arm. Her eyes so stuck on it that she didn't see Jane shut the door behind him. That might have made her feel a little better but, instead she felt like there was something stuck in her lungs and she couldn't breathe. without even so much as making eye contact with him Santana had slipped on her flip flops, left her cell phone on the table and grabbed her keys… slamming the door on her way out of the house and out of his life.


	2. Expectations

Manda's Note: I like this story... ok so I like most of them but yea... read review pleaseee Enjoy!

thank you roo for reading this for me... most of it anyway... before I posted it. PSSTTTT i want little girl lost! and twinkies and and and and LOBSTER!

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Brittany had a headache already, she could tell just by the way she lay at the end of the bed and peaked out from the bottom the bumble bee quilt her grandmother had made her before her passing when Brittany was nine. Brittany had a headache and Santana was wearing a hole in the rug with her pacing. She'd been at it for more than a half hour. The same solemn and angry pace right by the bottom of the bed while she internally fumed over the events of the past hour, she hadn't even bothered to open her mouth she'd just started an anger pace. She could tell that Brittany was afraid to do even so much as open her mouth. She was always painfully silent when Santana was in one of her moods. Making Santana even more on edge then she'd been before.

"Tigger. You're making me dizzy again."

Turning her head to look at Brittany she watched as Britt pulled her ear buds out of her ears, allowing Nsync to spill from the pink iPod on the bed beside her, her arm wrapped tightly around a yellow bumble bee Mike had won her at a carnival when they were thirteen. When Santana was stressed out it didn't take Brittany long for the same to affect her. That was just the way they worked, sometimes sharing everything wasn't a good thing. Had she been in a better place, Brittany would have been one of her first priorities to take care of.

"Son of a bitch should just go fuck the rest of the cheerios… oh wait, he's already done that. He should just continue screwing the school. Collect more bastards with random sluts. I mean seriously? He really thinks that he can take care of a baby? He doesn't know the first thing about babies."  
Feeling her anger and emotions escalate with every breath she took Santana couldn't look up to meet Brittany's eyes and she couldn't make a single request that Britt had asked of her. If she stopped moving she'd cry and she didn't need to spend any more tears on that jackass Noah Puckerman. Santana didn't cry… she shouldn't of been crying, crying was for the weak and that was one thing that Santana Maria Lopez was not. She'd never been weak and she wasn't about to start falling in that category either. The day he'd broken the news to her about knocking up Fabray had been a fluke. She'd let every tear she'd held back since she'd turned nine out on Brittany's shoulder. She'd felt so out of control and so lost that day, emotions weren't something that Santana ever did well with.

"Babies? …When was Pucky pregnant Tigger? I don't remember Puck having a tummy. Don't you have to have a tummy to be pregnant?"

She loved her best friend, there were some moments Santana couldn't help but wonder how she put up with Brittany. Some moments when her own stubbornness got the best of her and her attitude and own betrayals were all she could see. Those were the times she snapped at Brittany for no apparent reason. The times she'd feel guilty for long after Brittany got really quiet and Santana was left to think about her own thoughts over and over again. In this case, that probably wouldn't have been the best thing for her. She would have driven herself insane if she was left completely alone in her own thoughts for too long. There was too much going on.

"No Britt… Puck didn't have a baby… Quinn…"

Not being able to get the words out she shook her head and lay down finally beside Brittany on her bed with another bothered sigh. She's tired of thinking about it or remembering that things were all different now and they weren't ever going to change for the better. She'd lost the one person she'd ever really cared about to the one girl she'd always held a few levels of distain for. She knew that Brittany wouldn't comprehend her sentence. The fact that she was of course Brittany mixed with thee headache that Santana could tell she already had it was a lost cause to try to explain anything to her. Instead she shut her eyes and played with the cheerleader necklace around her neck, the one that Jane had given her the day she'd announced that Captain was all hers. She'd been so proud of herself and a gift that had been something passed down from her own mother made it that much better. Since then, it'd turned into one of her vices to play with when she didn't want to show her nerves.

"It's nothing Roo… pretend I never even said anything"

She sighed and closed her eyes. There were seldom times that knocked Santana off of her calm and collected state, this though… this was one of those times.

* * *

One day she was going to fall through the window. That was one thing she knew for sure. One day she'd fall right through the glass and land among the shards on his clothes littered floor. Yet, she didn't care. as she pressed her back up against the glass window enough to push it away from the safety locks his mother insisted on setting every day to keep home invaders out it was exactly the reason the key to the Puckerman home hung on the same key chain as he late Nana Connie's beside her own house keys. For some reason tonight was different, as she pushed against the window the glass slid up without any sort of hesitation, the safety clings hadn't been set for the night. On Saturday nights safety clings were always set. Puck got home from sheets and things, Jane washed his hair, he played video games for an hour and went to bed. letting her safety lock the windows and tuck him in by eleven. She'd watch for that cue every Saturday night before she let herself in. It was nearly three in the morning as Santana pushed in the window and dropped quietly onto the hardwood floor on her feet.

The bedroom was trashed, even more trashed than it normally was. It was almost scary to her to see, Jane normally came in and picked up the junk that piled up on his floor. Instead Santana's regional's dress was still thrown on the floor almost under her bed. The dress made her cringe, not exactly a memory she liked reliving. Regardless if it been just over twenty-four hours prior. Sighing quietly she didn't want to wake him up, the last thing she really wanted to do was get into it with him in the middle of the night. She just wanted the transformers blanket off of his bed, if he was going to be an asshole she could at least sleep well at night.

She liked it when he slept, he always looked like that innocent guy that he absolutely wasn't. Besides, if he was asleep his mouth wasn't going which was always a nice break from hearing too. Taking advantage of the image for a moment she reached out to grab the quilt that was balled up around him, she knew he wouldn't wake, she'd done it time and time. Before she could though stirring and movement that didn't belong to Puck stopped her and made her turn around, it was then that she noticed the lap on in the corner of the room. A basinet that had probably belonged to Li set up right next to it. Santana let her curiosity get the better of her as she made her way over to the other side of the room and peaked in. Sure enough there it was, the one thing she'd dreaded most for the months she'd known about it. yet even she couldn't figure out what she was doing as she leaned in for a better look. Santana didn't do well with Kids; Li was a far different story. Well, most of the time anyway. This however, this wasn't something she'd planned on even dealing with.

"I hope you know you've ruined my life"

What was she doing? Even so much as talking to it? Let alone the fact that her hand was moving closer to fix her blankets. It was only a few seconds before five of the little thing's tiny fingers were clutching on with a tight grip to her finger and hazy little blue eyes were popping open to stare. The stubborn and slightly scorned Latina and the bright eyed baby girl were instantly caught up in the middle of a staring contest. Didn't take the baby long to faultier though and her little eyes started to close and Santana began to pull her finger away only for little eyes to make the despite struggle to open again and stare at the shape of the face she'd never seen before. Letting out a sigh the sixteen year old took her finger away only to fix the baby's blankets and slowly and carefully pick her up.

"Let's get something clear ok? I still don't like you."

She wasn't going to faultier, she wouldn't be sucked into the charm of a baby, that wasn't who she was. specially a baby conceived by her… whatever Puck was and her ex friend. she wasn't stupid, she wasn't going to let the blue eyes and blonde peach fuzz suck her into anything. She was just going to look, get her blanket, and get the hell out of there. Brilliant plan… not.

"Fine… but I can tell you right now I'm not calling you Beth. Gotta be honest with you kid… that name sucks. It's like he picked it on a whim because he was desperate to give any name to that slu… **her**. Looks like he'd do anything for you kid. Even if it means giving up what he's had. He's been the cause and blame of you for eight straight months. Kind of pointless if you ask me, she wasn't a victim she was a willing participant, unfortunately she's too much of a stuck up bit… to realize what she did too was wrong. So yea, maybe he'd had a few too many bottles of Jack Daniels at my house before getting pi… upset and going to her with the rest of the wine coolers but really… what's the point of digging up the past now? you're already here and obviously you're not going anywhere. I blame the liquor… had Jack Daniels been something stronger he never would have remembered how to leave my house or get annoyed for pointless reasons. Jack… Jackie… Jacklyn."

Lack of sleep, if anyone asked she'd swear it on lack of sleep. It had nothing to do with the newborn baby who'd snuggled up curling her tiny body as close to Santana as she could get. Shit, what was she doing? What the hell was she thinking? Pacing back and forth with the little bundle in her arms as she softly hummed the Little Mermaid song her mother had put her to sleep by night and night again from what she could remember of her. The baby in her arms was slowly being lulled into a content sleep. By the time she'd realized what she'd done she'd kissed the forehead of the sound asleep baby. this wasn't going to fucking fly, she wasn't doing this… this wasn't her. Carefully she laid the baby back down and attempted to turn her back without another word. something that for once turning her back didn't prove to be so easy to do on. glancing over at Puck she glared, she really did hate him sometimes. espically when she leaned down and rubbed her finger over the sleeping baby's cheek.

"Goodnight Jackie"

She whispered before turning her back and heading straight back to the window, not even bothering to take the transformers blanket from him. She had too much to think about to sleep anyway.


	3. Decisions to Make

Manda's Note: I'm not gonna lie i'm hoping this does better than the last time. If you read it please hit the review button :) it means a lot to me. **Enjoy!**

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"I've raised you and your sister. I've got ten years left on one and two years left on the other. I'm not doing it again with a newborn. Noah I don't want another child. If you're not going to take care of her… I'm sorry, call me the grandmother from hell… whatever you want. It's not going to change my mind on the matter. If you can't take care of your child then, she needs to go to someone who will."

Jane Puckerman was frustrated, even that sounded like it was putting it mildly. It seemed like whenever she was home all the infant did was scream and cry. She'd switched her hours to nights just so that she could help him take care of her yet, at night seemed to be the only time he did take care of her. Which was funny, he normally told her he slept through the night. She wasn't asking questions, all she knew was that she was sick and tired of ear splitting cries that lasted all day long. Jane was beginning to forget what it was actually like to think. All Beth ever did was cry, scream, and whimper. Even in the background of another one of their round offs the screaming could be heard at a high pitch.

"She's my daughter Ma… what do you expect me to do? Throw her out like she never happened? Leave her on someone's door step? What about her needs?"

While she saw her son's point it still didn't change the fact that neither one of them could ever get the eight week old baby to stop crying. How could that have even been good for an infant's lungs? Hours on end of nonstop colicky screaming. the beginning of August was in full swing and she was almost positive that Li hadn't had one good day of summer break at her own house because of the baby's constant cries. She couldn't take care of both of her children and a grandchild, Jane hadn't signed up for it. Had she done that than she would have been the one to take her in herself, but she wasn't Puck had been the one that'd insisted that he couldn't give her up.

"Then call Quinn. Tell Quinn that Beth wasn't adopted, that you'd decided to not sign the papers and take her home yourself. See if she wants to help you with the mess you've created because I can't do it Noah. I told you things weren't going to be this way just like I told you that I wasn't going to live with Quinn Fabray forever. I got my way once Noah and I'll do it again. So help me if you don't get her to stop crying…"

He couldn't remember the last time they hadn't fought, for the boy who'd always been a mama's boy he hadn't once in the past eight weeks so much as asked her to wash his hair. She worked all night and when she was supposed to be asleep during the day she had a baby screaming her lungs out preventing any sort of sleep from coming. The entire household was suffering from the decisions Puck had made.

"I know… I know that this is the hardest choice that you've ever even had to think about baby but, you're seventeen years old, you're too young to handle any of this by yourself. I love you Noah, and I know how strong you are but, this is something above the both of us."

It killed her to see her son's face so distraught, to see him torn in two over the decisions he'd chosen to make. But Jane couldn't handle it; she couldn't help him raise Beth if he wasn't willing to give her a little bit of help also. She'd raised her two children. She was the sole provider for the two children she'd raised. She needed to work at night; she couldn't help him out if he was going to let the baby scream at all hours of the day. With their luck the neighbors would start complaining about all of the noise soon.

"I don't want to lose her mom. She's my daughter… I almost lost her once. It's not her fault that I was stupid and she exists. It's not her fault that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. What if there's something wrong with her? What if that's the reason she cries so much? What if someone else can't handle that either? What if I'm just not meant to be a father in the first place? …ever. Does this make me just like him?"

Covering her eyes with her hand she couldn't look at her eldest child's distraught face. She'd long ago lost count on how many times she'd warned him about having sex. Given that normally is was him and Santana she was sitting down to lecture, but none the less she'd still warned him what could come out of it, what a mess of his life he could make.

"Noah Gabriel Puckerman you are nothing like your father. Do you hear me? Nothing like him, do not even begin to think that. You're not running away from two children and a wife. You're being a teenager, what you should be."

Wrapping her arms around her son it was only then that she noticed the quiet in the house. The normal little girl's screaming wasn't happening. The house was its new unusual of being completely silent. It would have scared her if she hadn't seen the movement in the doorway. Standing in the doorway with her head bent talking to the now quiet child who's eyes scared up at her in contentment, who's tiny fingers were completely wrapped around the cheerleader necklace around her neck for dear life.

"While you two bicker and bitch I'm taking the girls out of Lima for the day. We're going to the playground and out for lunch. Either one of you even so much thinks about calling Fabray again I'll make sure she's at some safe haven hospital somewhere so she doesn't have to deal with that shit."

Santana barked out not once looking at the mother son duo, she simply put the baby on her shoulder as she made her way around the kitchen gathering stuff for later on bottles. She was the share image of standing perfection. Both mother and son stood there staring in surprise as she turned slightly to glare at the both of them, fixing the diaper bag on one shoulder and the baby in the other arm.

"By the way, she and I decided that she hates the name Beth. It's old fashion and it just plain sucks."

* * *

"Anaaaa, why do we have to drive all the way to Elida to go to the playground? There's one right up the street at my old school. "

Li pouted as Ana opened up the back door and ducked her head in enough to unclip the harness of Jackie's car seat and get the still tiny newborn in the car along with the light receiving blanket. She still for the life of her couldn't figure out what she was doing or why she was doing what she was. There was just something that made her feel the need to defend the little girl; it wasn't her fault that she was born into the middle of a complete mess. Santana knew what that was like; she'd been a child of nearly the same situation. Only it'd been her mother that had wanted her and her father who stayed just to beat the shit out of them like the good for nothing ass he was. Not that that exact situation as Jackie's, but, it was just one of the reasons that held her there.

"Because the one at your old school… because I felt like driving."

She lied as she pointed in the direction of the open gate. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why she was so …scared about running into Quinn. She just didn't want to see the infant land in the arms of someone who didn't care. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she'd snuck through Puck's window every day for the past eight weeks just to hold the infant and rock her to sleep, nope, there was no connection there at all. She'd keep telling herself that one too.

"All she ever does is cry Ana… nonstop. How'd you get her to stop?"

Looking over at Li who was halfway up the slide already she didn't know how to answer it. How exactly did you explain to an eight year old that you weren't quite sure she how much you liked the child yet you couldn't explain yourself why you felt so connected to the thing. As Santana sat down in the middle of the tire swing propping up the baby against her, the baby who'd hardly made a peep once.

"I don't know squirt, guess she just doesn't like your dumb brother"

Shrugging her shoulders she looked over at Li who was finishing up a round on the monkey bars and staring at the baby in San's arms like it was a foreign object. In many ways it was a foreign object, Santana wasn't known to be very good around children.

"You her mommy now? Babies always stop crying for their mommies and I'm not sharing mine with her."

Santana started to laugh and shake her head at Li, the nearly seventeen year old wasn't a mother, and she wasn't Jackie's mother. She was just… there. There was no explaining it or labeling it, she didn't really know how to. She'd decided to only focus on the statement part of Li's speech.

"You don't have to share yours with her shrimp, your brother's gonna smarten up and learn how to take care of her all by himself. Don't worry about that one."

She heard the eight year old laugh as she ran forward to kiss her nieces cheek for a quick moment before lazily pushing the tire swing gently with her knees. It was strange seeing Li with the baby, last she remembered Li was just a baby herself, she could still remember being drooled on at the age of ten by the little clinger.

"Everyone needs a mommy Ana. You know that better than anyone else. Mommies are the protectors. You'd be good at that. You take care of me while mommy's at work so that Noah doesn't lock me in a closet he did that one time when I put mommy's lip stick on him while he was sleeping. But he really shouldn't have been sleeping anyway. Mom told him not to go to sleep on me."

The kid learned things pretty well, if she didn't get her way she was almost ruthless. She'd taken a pair of scissors to his Mohawk a time or two also. Li tended to hang on every word that Santana said, one of the reasons she had more than one side of herself, her school side and the side that Jane and Li got to see, the side that was now looking at the baby girl in her arms and trying to sort out her feelings exactly. Could there have been a chance that she actually did like taking care of Fabray's accident child? She exhaled a sigh and shook her head, what the hell had she gotten herself into?

* * *

"Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for hours."

It was bullshit and they both knew it, but, it sounded good. His sleepy hazel eyes were blurry with sleep and he was chilled regardless of it being late July, him away for the bad liar he really was showed right though. He'd probably been sleeping since she'd sent him the text of the comfortably sleeping baby in the restaurant. She wasn't about to bitch at him though, it just meant he trusted her not to droned the kid in a river somewhere. Opening up the back door of the car he started to make an advancement forward to take the baby's car seat out of the car only to receive a glare and a stare down till he finally got the hint to back away slowly before he got hurt.

"Carry the squirt in the house and put her to bed. Don't forget to shut her nightlight off. I'll get Jackie ready for bed. Have her bottle ready in the living room. We need to talk and don't you dare even think of turning on a video game or you will be sorry."

As much as the business like tone in her voice stood out as she did her usual barking out of orders at him, there was something else too, something that he didn't recognize right away. As he watched her take the car seat out of the car slowly it began to dawn on him. It was the moment she immersed herself completely in checking to make sure the baby was all set before proceeding into the house that it finally clicked. He watched her retreating steps into the house till she was completely out of sight before he opened Li's door and pulled his baby sister up in his arms. San was in mother mode, who was he to derail her?

It took him twenty minutes to tuck Li in, shutting off her night light, setting her air conditioning to low, and making sure her high school musical fleece was within reach. He liked to think he wasn't so bad at it, at handling the whole father thing. Handling taking care of Bet… Jackie just as well as he took care of Li. he'd gotten her to 2 months ol… no, who was he kidding? Sanntana probably had something to do with that one too. Maybe he should have questioned why the baby had always had her clothes for the day laid out when he woke up in the morning. But, he was Puck, he wasn't one to even consider things like that.

He'd heated her bottle and tested it on his wrist just like his mother had taught him to do day one. He wasn't used to doing it without Jackie screaming bloody murder in the nearby room. Instead, when he walked into the living room she was simply being paced back and forth all content and snug in light summer bunny pajamas as she stared up at the face in front of her like it was something she'd always done for hours a day.

"Let's get something straight Puck, you are not calling Fabray. Quinn will have absolutely no problem with taking Jackie right out of his house if you do that. I don't think that you or (though she'd probably deny it right now) your mother would be able to handle that happening. Nor does she deserve to be raised by that self serving bitch anyway. She blamed you for this whole mess so you're going to show her who the bigger person in all of it is… one day that's not any time soon."

He couldn't help but smile at her as she went ranting on and hardly even looked at him as she took the bottle out of his hand, checked it herself (clearly not trusting his instincts) and sat down on the couch to feed her. He could tell just by the tone of her breathing that she was clearly not done berating him.

"Listen Puckerman… this is how it's going to work. You're gonna get a job. At Sheets N' Things or the friggen circus… I don't care. But you're gonna set your hours up around my cheer schedule, if I miss a single practice Sylvester goes through the roof. I'll watch her while you're at work, and you'll watch her while I'm at cheer. Your mother will not have to do one single thing to help you out till school starts in a month. And so help me Puck if you ask her to watch Jackie so much as once while I'm at practice you'll be taking cold showers for a week and I'll make sure they're painfully cold …do you hear me?"

It was a different side of Santana, a side that even he hadn't seen before. Yet, at the same time it was a side that told him everything was going to be all right and he didn't have to worry about losing her or his daughter again. Even with her rambling and throwing out orders like she did when she marched up and down the gym throwing orders to the rest of the cheerleaders and proving her head bitch stance. He nodded his head seeing her glare at his smile he dropped it instantly and settled for sitting down on the floor next to her instead.

"I've talked to your mom through text all day today too …You've got a lot of work to do."

Tight lipped and not her usual melt into his arms self she didn't put her head on his shoulder the moment he sat down beside her. Instead, she stayed completely ridged watching the baby in her arms. For some strange reason he could tell what she was thinking, he could tell she was trying to sort out where she fit into the whole thing. The only thing he could do was to burry his face into her neck and kiss the spot halfway to her ear to elicit the slightest bit of a shiver. Just because he was the cause of the mess didn't mean she wasn't still cleaning up the disasters he made. She'd done it from the day he'd nearly been suspended for bringing a plastic knife to school. This might have been bigger than that but she was still standing by him to do it, something he'd never be able to prove to her how thankful he was for.


	4. Rights

Manda's Note: This didn't exactly come out as long as I was hoping to make it but my mind kept wanting to skip around. So! I thought the best decision regarding it would be to ask you guys. Do you want to see a bit of time skipped or shall I continue on where it is? let me know! and enjoy!

* * *

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the Latina sitting in the dark kitchen gazing down at the innocence in her arms. It was three in the morning and Jane was just getting in from work, enough time to catch a few hours of sleep and then take Li out for a few hours. Now that she knew her granddaughter wouldn't scream herself to death maybe she could give Li some sort of good summer. As she stood there and watched Santana's careful movements and listened to the classic Little Mermaid song slip from her lips almost every concern that had gone through her mind earlier in the afternoon was wiped away. She looked like such a natural.

"Having a long night?"

Whispering not to disturb the baby she placed her keys on the key holder and shut the door quietly behind her. Santana's eyes snapped up immediately and she stopped singing as though Jane had frightened her from her paralyzing thoughts. Her serene smile was right back on her face when she looked down at the infant, she was such a different person than what Jane was used to walking into. Normally it was Santana standing in the kitchen with one of Puck's tee-shirts on and nothing else. Those were the mornings Jane's first words were always 'please tell me you took your birth control pill'. Didn't matter what she forbid the pair from doing… they did it anyway, six months ago she'd given up on lecturing. It wasn't worth it when it went in one ear and right out the other.

"No… I woke her up a half hour ago. I'm not used to her sleeping through the night. It worried me."

The girl with the fear that everyone close would eventually leave her, Jane hadn't seen that projecting off to the baby quite as soon as it seemed to. Especially not the infant that Santana had sworn up and down was going to ruin her life once it came out of its half creator. This wasn't a twist in the story that Jane had anywhere near close to seen coming, she'd seen Santana slamming out the door that morning and only coming back when she or Li needed her.

"Santana you and Noah are starting school soon… you've gotta let her sleep through the night."

She'd always been able to invasion Santana in the role of mother, mid twenties, ring on her finger, living at Connie's house full time. She'd always known that one day Santana would turn into the mother she herself hadn't ever gotten enough time with, she'd always been so much more on the inside then she'd let people know or get close to.

"You never wrote back to my text about Quinn."

The request that had kept her up all night came rolling out of her mouth with hardly a greeting to Jane. It'd been bothering her since she'd walked into Puck and Jane talking about Quinn in the afternoon. Jane could see it in the way she held onto the little girl in the bunny pajamas.

"I had to go talk with the social worker at the hospital Ana…"

The look on Jane's face alone told her that whatever was going to come out of her mouth next wasn't something that she actually wanted to hear. Yet she kept her eyes locked on Jackie as Jane pulled a kitchen chair over to sit next to the windows beside her, her eyes staying stuck on her little granddaughter.

"Well so long as she signed the legal documents thirty days after she was born there's normally nothing she can do to appeal for custody. However, this is different from normal case. Quinn's got a year to file that she was misinformed about the adoption and where the baby went. I can't say that you guys are in the clear till then."

Arms tightened around the infant in her arm suddenly, the thought of Quinn taking her away made her cringe. That wasn't how Jackie deserved to be raised, not as a pawn in a game like she'd eventually turn into if Quinn had custody of her. She would without a doubt use her to torment and push Puck for the things they'd both done.

"I need to know how far you're willing to go Ana. Are you in this for good? The two of you are actually going to raise Jackie together?"

Her response got stuck in her throat, she hadn't actually thought about it that way. She hadn't thought about it as taking full responsibility for something she hadn't even done. From the moment she'd picked the child up that night the whole thing had been purely instinctual. Everything just felt right, every time she coddled Jackie or kissed her little forehead. She couldn't find a reason for it, she'd never been the very nurturing type.

"I'm worried about you in this Santana; a baby is a big responsibility. A responsibility that you're in no way indebted to, this was Puck's mistake and decision, not yours. You shouldn't have to pay for the things that he's done and you shouldn't feel compelled to have to. A baby changes everything, especially raising a baby that isn't even yours."

Seeing the start of Santana's raised eye glare she knew she should have chosen her words a little more carefully. The touchy female in front of her always took things that were said harder than she was supposed to. She was just like her mother had been in that way, it was something Jane was quite used to now.

"Don't do it Santana you know that I don't mean it the way you're taking it. I never said that I was going to tell you not to do this I'm just letting you know that I don't expect you to do this and Noah shouldn't either. You don't have the responsibility here this is on Noah, not on you."

She watched Santana think about it yet her expression never changed, she only clutched tighter to the infant in her arms and furthered her smirk along.

"You practically raised me and you didn't have to."


	5. Mommy

Manda's Note: Again, personal notes that I love doing so much I will be done again after this chapter. So leave me your thoughts! enjoy!

* * *

Jackie wasn't sleeping well, the entire weekend the nearly five month old had been very erratic with her sleeping patterns. Puck had tired everything to make her comfortable and less groucky. She wasn't having it though. There was only one person that the small child wanted. One person she wanted to tuck her in and read her stories, one voice she needed to hear the most. For a five month old she sure was terrirorial and picky. It was almost as if she actually biologically belonged to the girl who was raising her.

"I know Jackie, you miss mommy, I know."

He whispered as he walked back and forth with the baby wide awake in his arms. Rubbing circles on her back and listening to her angry grunts as he chewed on her fingers and resisted sleep the seventeen year old father was actually, in a way that would probably only make sense to him, happy. Knowing that had Santana been the one with the baby in her arms the child never would have started to begin with. It was knowing that Jackie had a favorite person, had a real mother that made her fussiness go away bearable for him.

"I bet your mommy's asleep right now Jackie. Don't think she'd be very happy with daddy if he called her right now. In fact, I bet she'd make daddy take a lot of cold showers, daddy doesn't want to take cold showers Jackie. Come on, can't you just get a few hours of sleep? Before you know it mommy will be home."

Who would have guessed that he'd actually have this side to him, the side that liked taking care of something so needy and independent, the side that could sit and rock her back and forth for hours. So he was young, obviously it didn't mean that he wasn't capable of doing these things. He'd helped take care of Li for so many years he was sort of used to this, even if this was a bit on the different side. The little girl in his arms gave out another tired sigh and went right along chewing on her fingers, having no intention of letting him sleep for the night.

"I like her better when Ana's here. She doesn't cry as much."

His baby sister's tired voice filled his ears and made him turn his head. Sure enough there Li was being overdramatic with her fingers in her ears. Their mother suspected that it had something to do with her coping over the fact that she wasn't the youngest one in the household anymore. Not so easy of a task for her, even if the little girl was her niece. In the full picture Li was good with Jackie though. She'd lay for hours with her on the rug shaking rattles and watching her roll over. She was Santana's little helper too, she just liked to give him an extra dose of trouble when no one else was around. But that was the way that he and Li had always been. They were brother and sister after all, they were meant to drive one another nuts and get away with it.

"You know Ana would yell at you again if she heard you calling her mommy."

So she'd witnessed that one too? One day He'd get her to stop being stubborn. He'd get her to realize it was ok to trust in the fact that this little girl was a child she'd be raising until well after Jackie turned eighteen. But just as always her worries got her, her worries over trusting something that she wasn't sure she'd always have. There'd been so much taken away from Santana in the past she was afraid it would happen again. That was something Puck could understand. He'd watched it happen to the Latina over and over, he'd even been the one to do the same thing to her once upon a time. If his promises counted for almost anything this time, she could count them for the fact that they weren't going to just up and lose Jackie. She was there's for good.

"She's gonna have to get used to it squirt. I bet you two dollars that as soon as Jackie starts talking the first word out of her mouth is going to be mama and she's going to be looking straight at San."  
There was a smile on his sister's face, be it from the promise of two dollars or the thought of Santana around all the tie he wasn't really sure. He knew with his luck though that the smirk would have something to do with the money. She was a Puckerman after all. At least she wouldn't be spending it on nunchucks and chips like he had a habit of doing. Li walked further into his room and picked up one of the stuffed animals off of the floor before sitting down beside him on his bed. He'd always had time for his little sister, even when he had his moments of seeming like the perfect ass he'd always taken his moments in the day to be the big brother she deserved to have. It wasn't like she had many other people in her life to look up to when she needed it. Their father had been the ass that left only days after she'd been born. How he'd just up and done that was something that Puck would never come to terms with and never understand.

"I bet Jackie likes having Ana as her mommy, she's not mean like Quinn is. and she likes to read her stories and sing to her too. Noah, does this mean that you and Ana aren't gonna fight anymore? Because the last time you guys had a fight it was for a long time. I don't think Jackie would like you and Ana fighting like that. I know I wouldn't want mommy fighting with our daddy like that if he was around."

Quietly for a moment he thought about the question she'd asked and how right she really was. The last time they'd really fought was when Quinn had found out she was pregnant. He'd never do anything that stupid to her again. That sort of pain wasn't worth causing to her for a night in the sheets. Besides, was there really better than what she could put out for him anyway? No, he'd learned his lesson with that one, he'd learned to not be quite so stupid again. Even if that one was still going to take a bit of time to prove to Tana, he'd do it one way or another. He needed her around to badly for her not to completely trust him again.

* * *

Walking into his bedroom all he could see was his girlfriend laying on his bed looking at his lap top. Probably searching up something between the likes of cheerleading or the five month old little girl in their custody, that's what she always seemed to be searching and reading. Santana Lopez had changed in the past five months. She'd become someone who he hadn't expected to get to know for a good ten to twelve years. Who would have though the seventeen year old would be so ready and willing to help him out with the mistakes he'd brought on himself. Yet there she was with eyes glued to the computer screen and an arm cast over the sleeping little girl in the bear costume. A sight that given a year ago he'd never thought would ever exist, not with how pissed off she'd been when Jackie had come about. Not that he could blame her of course. It wasn't like she was the slightest bit responsible for the five month old who adored her.

"Was starting to think you'd bailed on us for Halloween"

She said without even looking up at him. They knew one another that well that look up conformation wasn't even necessary. She knew his movements like he knew every inch of her body. Kicking off his shoes he walked forward to the bed and slid on top of her leaning down to kiss where her neck and shoulder met a few times before kissing his daughter on the forehead. It was all still strange to him, strange to the both of them. The two were used to be and still were rumored to have slept with majority of the school could be so calm and domesticated. That was something that only his mother and little sister got to see.

"Football practice was held over. Heard that you were the one that canceled Cheerios today? Sure Sylvester's gonna love that one."

What she'd learned lately was that being captain she was the one that could call or break practices and get away with everyone else getting their lectures from Sue while she and Brittany were out of the room running pointless errands like buying Coach nare to throw in Shue's hair for the fun of it. The woman was filled with pointless jokes about Shue's hair and Santana was pretty sure she'd already heard most of them. The things she did to keep her position and Quinn off the team… In her eyes it was all worth it though. The keeping Quinn off the team part at least.

"Don't care"

Laughing to himself he kissed her shoulder again knowing that it would more than likely get him a slap and a rant. Instead surprising him completely Santana rolled over beneath him and pulled his face to hers, her hand on the back of his neck tightly. He could feel nerves rising from whatever her next statement was. Her opening her mouth always put him on edge, he was always afraid that she'd change her mind and decide that the sudden life that they had wasn't the life that she wanted anymore. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to do it without her.

"Let's do it"

She could see the wheels in his head turning as he looked back and forth between her and the baby. Without hesitation she raised her hand and playfully slapped him across the face before pulling him back down to continue their makeout session while Jackie slept. Even if it wasn't what she meant by 'it' his kisses always brought her to calmer levels.

"Let's just …get married. I know I shot you down when you brought it up yesterday but I mean… I've been thinking a lot about what your mom and what the lawyer said and if it's going to secure us keeping her than maybe we need to go for it. I mean… it's not like we have to tell anyone at school that we did it. It can be just our secret, your mom already signed the papers and my emaciation papers came through last weekend. What's the worst that could happen?"

Puck stared at her incredulous for a moment truly surprised by the words out of her mouth. The lawyer had brought it up and she'd just about laughed in his face telling him that it was the last thing she was going to do. Telling him that she didn't want to be just some stupid teenage statistic . He'd tried to tell her that that wasn't what they were. That wasn't what she'd be if she just said yes. It would just be furthering along the marriage they'd had at the age of six down at the elementary school playground.

"Are you sure about this Tink? I mean… you really want to…"

Her arms were crossed in back of his neck as she nodded his head and rested her forehead against his. It was enough of an answer for him as he placed a kiss to the tip of her nose and looked over at the little girl beside them blocked in by a body pillow.

"will you let her call you mommy then?"

She got silent once again at his question. The thought of that always scared her. In the beginning it was because she was Quinn's daughter. She was just the mistake that Puck had made behind her back. Somewhere along the line things changed and Jackie became everything that Santana counted on day after. The little things such as rocking her to sleep every night, watching her as she rolled over on the floor. Everything that Santana wasn't supposed to feel for the little girl she felt full force. Letting Jackie call her mommy, that would just be sealing what she felt. She wasn't sure she was ready to take that jump just yet. What if something changed in the mean time? what if something went wrong and she had to return her to the likes of Fabray? Where would that have left Santana in the long run. She would have gotten overly attached to a kid that she had no connection what so ever to. Yet, she could still see Puck's point. She was the other parent in Jackie's life. As scary as that sounded she'd been there from that night she'd picked her up screaming. That bond was there no matter how much she tried to deny it.


End file.
